Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
