One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
