Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
