clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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