i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
