Someone shit on the floor
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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