Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
