watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
