You just made me feel so damn special
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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