I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
