I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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