Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
