I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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