Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
