I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
