I just pynch a tree in the face
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
