mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
