I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
