guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
