Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
