Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
