I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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