i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
