There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
