I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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