his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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