I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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