The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
