3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
