just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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