sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
