I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
