I cut my penus on the lid.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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