you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
