Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I look better un-naked...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
