i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
