like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Send help, water and tortillas.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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