I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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