The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
