Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry about my life...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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