I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
