Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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