we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
