Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
