I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
