I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
