By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
