what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
