Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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