accomplished twins. life is a go
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
