Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
