She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
