i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
