some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
