just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
