He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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