he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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