I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
