I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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