So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
