Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
