We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize