I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
