Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
