i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Enjoy the penises
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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