marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
