moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
