yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
