I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
