it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
